Love and Grief: Two Sides of the Same Coin

Love is the basis for any relationship. When two people get married, it is because they love each other. As a result of that love, the two people begin to share a life together. That life together turns into a family whether that family consists of just the two of you or it grows into a family with many members. Our family consisted of Kati, me and our two “kids.” When one family member passes away, the family grieves. I can’t speak for our kids, since they don’t tell me how they feel sometimes (dogs aren’t much for conversation even though I talk to them all the time), but the grief that I have for Kati’s passing is still very much here with me. The love that I have for her is now, at times, manifested as grief. They are two sides of the same coin.

That coin appears after a loved one passes away. You pick it up and carry it around with you everywhere. At first, you spend most days just looking at the grief side of it since it is “shiny and new.” You look trying to figure out why you have it and what it is supposed to mean. You sit and ponder if it was meant for you or someone else. The weight of the coin is heavy, but no matter how hard you try to get rid of it, it is always there. Every so often you can muster enough strength to turn it over and look at the love side, but that usually doesn’t last long before the coin flips back over and you are right back where you started. After a while, you kind of get used to it being around. You can bear it a little more and sometimes, you look at it because it is a comfort. It reminds you of the one that you loved who is no longer with you. As you become strong enough to flip the coin over more and more, the weight of the grief side gets less and less but it does not go away. It lingers no matter if you want it there or not. Somedays you try to throw it away because you are tired of it and angry at it. It always comes right back so you just put it in your pocket at times so that you can get through the day. The longer that you carry this coin around, the easier it becomes to take it out and look at it.

Sometimes you are even able to let others look at it too. They don’t look at it the same way that you do, but sometimes it can remind them of the same type of coin they carry around with them. None of us really want this coin but at some time in our lives, most of us will have to carry one of our own. Being able to pull our coin out and share it with other people is a way of telling each other that we are not alone in grieving. Just being able to hand someone your coin for even just a minute helps relief some of the weight the coin brings. The coin is a curse, but a blessing. Without one side of the coin, you wouldn’t have the other. They are two sides of the same coin. Here is my coin. You can pick it up. Look at it. Admire it. Feel sorry for me that I have to carry it if you must, but I must carry it. I’m going to need it back because without it I would lose the love that it came from.