Cooking For One

Those that really know me know that I don't really cook that much. When I do cook, most of the time it is "heating up" prepackaged meals. If I have to turn on the microwave, stove, or oven, I consider it cooking no matter what I'm eating. With seemingly infinite amounts of restaurants close by, it is too easy just to stop and pick something up on the way home. Even when we were cooking for two, Kati and I used to eat out alot. We did eat breakfast at home alot especially on the weekends. Sometimes we could cook pancakes and bacon. Most of the time it was prepackaged biscuits or cinnamon rolls.... and bacon. Couldn't forget the bacon (since it's one of the few things I cook well and I love bacon).

Now, cooking for one is hard. Finding meals for just one person is hard enough. I know they're out there but with my limited cooking knowledge and selectiveness in food choices, obtaining recipes that fit my skill set and taste is a task in itself. Even though, we didn't stay at home and cook every meal, after Kati passed going grocery shopping was almost unbearable. Almost every time we went to the grocery store, we went together. I would, practically, be dragged down every aisle because if we didn't go down every one of them, "we might miss or forget something." It became routine. When your whole life becomes a whole new set of different routines than those you've become accustomed to, some can be difficult to navigate. I had to accept this new routine and find a way to grocery shop and cook for one. You really don't realize how small details and events matter until they change. The first time I bought a package of cinnamon rolls, I stood there staring at the packages for probably five minutes. The life altering new routine of getting a pack of five rolls instead of eight was not an easy one to accept. Plus having to eat one more of them than I'm used to. Who makes packages of five of anything....

Even going out to eat was heart wrenching at times. I rarely actually go in and eat anymore, not by myself anyway. Even pre-corona, I didn't like going into restaurants alone. On Sundays it was particularly tough. Our routine was going to church and then going to eat at a restaurant somewhere for lunch. After Kati passed, I stopped going to church for a while but still went to eat with my parents almost every Sunday. The small life altering detail that mattered in that moment was when we were asked how many we had in our party, it wasn't four anymore.

Sometime after Kati and I got married, we decided to write a few Bible verses on note cards and put them in different places around our house. The one in the picture is above the kitchen sink. "Whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." The verse on the card is written in Kati's handwriting also. Another small detail that I'll never get to experience again. As hard as things have become for me to do at times, God is still there. As small details become hard decisions, he still desires to comfort me through those decisions. Whatever we do, even if it's standing in the grocery store staring at cans of rolls for five minutes trying to make a simple decision or cooking for one, God will see us through it and he deserves the glory.